Hey, have you seen the nifty new Apple iPhone? It's both an iPod and a mobile phone! It surfs the Internet! It has a far out touch screen! All the cool kids are getting one! At least, all of the cool kids who are willing and able to pay $600 for a phone.

Which plenty of cool kids did when the much anticipated and highly over-hyped iPhone went on sale back in June. I was not one of them. Because I already have a perfectly good phone. But all of those people who just had to have it, who just had to be the first on their block to own this cool new toy shelled out the bucks and were happy.

Until this week, when Apple cut the price of the iPhone by $200.

Now, normally you would think that a company would be applauded for cutting prices. I generally prefer to pay lower prices. I get irked when Starbucks jacks up the price of a cup of coffee, as they recently did ... or the price of gas goes up ... or airlines raise ticket prices. I am not surprised when a company is apologetic about raising prices.

But an apology for a price cut? That's news.

Apparently all those cool kids who ran out and bought the first iPhones are upset that their special toy is now more affordable ... and, thus, I guess not so exclusive. Thus, Apple CEO Steve Jobs issued the following apology on the Apple website:

To all iPhone customers:

I have received hundreds of emails from iPhone customers who are upset about Apple dropping the price of iPhone by $200 two months after it went on sale. After reading every one of these emails, I have some observations and conclusions.

Of course you do realize that time I spend reading your emails is time I could be spending dreaming up the next insanely great Apple product. But, hey, whatever. I've heard what you have to say. Now let me tell you how it is.

First, I am sure that we are making the correct decision to lower the price of the 8GB iPhone from $599 to $399, and that now is the right time to do it. iPhone is a breakthrough product, and we have the chance to 'go for it' this holiday season. iPhone is so far ahead of the competition, and now it will be affordable by even more customers. It benefits both Apple and every iPhone user to get as many new customers as possible in the iPhone 'tent'. We strongly believe the $399 price will help us do just that this holiday season.

I intend to sell lots and lots of iPhones this year.

Second, being in technology for 30+ years I can attest to the fact that the technology road is bumpy.

And another thing. I know a heck of a lot more about running Apple than you do. You want to tell me how to run the company I created? Yeah, I don't think so.

There is always change and improvement, and there is always someone who bought a product before a particular cutoff date and misses the new price or the new operating system or the new whatever. This is life in the technology lane.

So quit your whining you little crybabies!

If you always wait for the next price cut or to buy the new improved model, you'll never buy any technology product because there is always something better and less expensive on the horizon.

Nobody held a gun to your head and made you pay $600 for an iPhone. You were paying extra for the bragging rights, and you know it. But you had to know the price was going to come down.

The good news is that if you buy products from companies that support them well, like Apple tries to do, you will receive years of useful and satisfying service from them even as newer models are introduced.

You should consider yourself lucky you have an iPhone at all.

Third, even though we are making the right decision to lower the price of iPhone, and even though the technology road is bumpy, we need to do a better job taking care of our early iPhone customers as we aggressively go after new ones with a lower price. Our early customers trusted us, and we must live up to that trust with our actions in moments like these.

You've got your iPhone, don't you? Does it work? Yeah, of course it works! It's the greatest phone ever, you ungrateful brats. But since you're such a little baby, here's what I'm going to do.

Therefore, we have decided to offer every iPhone customer who purchased an iPhone from either Apple or AT&T, and who is not receiving a rebate or any other consideration, a $100 store credit towards the purchase of any product at an Apple Retail Store or the Apple Online Store.

Now quit crying and go download some more tunes from the Apple Store.

Details are still being worked out and will be posted on Apple's website next week. Stay tuned.

Are you still here? You're boring me.

We want to do the right thing for our valued iPhone customers. We apologize for disappointing some of you, and we are doing our best to live up to your high expectations of Apple.

You want an apology? Fine, here's your stinking apology. Now go away. I have important work to do.

Steve Jobs
Apple CEO

I love this apology! As an apology, it is terrible. It just drips with scorn. You can tell Steve Jobs feels he has nothing to apologize for (and I agree). He is so going through the motions here. The beautiful thing is — he can get away with it! He's Steve freaking Jobs! All the whiny little iPhone early adopters will be right back at the head of the line to get the next must-have Apple toy when it comes out. And Steve knows it! This is like some abusive technology co-dependent relationship in action.